@The_Gonzi: I want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.

@juliussharpe: I have the Anne Hathaway "It came true!" reaction whenever the guy at Subway hands me my sandwich.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: Him: you have 3 Starbucks coffees in your car? Me: one's for you Him: and the other one? Me: *remembering that I wanted to try a new flavor but also got my usual in case I don't like it* I'm having an affair.

@Zombie_Kit: Scary shit happens in horror movies at 3am. So when hubby woke up screaming with a leg cramp at 3am, I threw the bible at him.

@BoomBoomBetty: Me, yelling my head off every day. 14 yo son: Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Pizza delivery driver exhales at front door two floors down from bedroom. 14 yo: Pizza’s here.