I pronounce it liberry but I also call them bo-oks so people have a choice on which one makes them angrier
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Preorder now! Though I have nothing for sale, it’s always good to preorder.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
When a conversation gets awkward, distract the person by casually kicking a rock. Unless that rock is a poop. And you wore stilettos. And the poop sticks to the end like a skewered turd. And you’ve made it awkward. Now you have something to talk about.
*brain waking up*
oh god please not again I can’t keep existing in this reality
*brain 20 minutes later*
1000000 chameleons is a chamillion
What do you call a frog stuck in the mud?
#OneLiners #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes #F4F
Me: Hey bud, you want to read a book?
Me: Do a puzzle?
Me: Okay well I have to put your brother down for a nap. Just be quiet please.
3: [Leads a marching band through living room while on parade float]
literally anyone: “would you like some ice cream?”
me: [knowing ice cream makes me serverely ill] “ooo yes please”
waiter: “have we decided yet sir?”
me: [after practicing saying gnocchi to myself for 15 minutes] “the margarita pizza please”