@envydatropic: It's October so I refuse to kill any spiders in my house in hopes that they do the Halloween decorating for me.

@noog: One time I made a snowman and gave him a cucumber nose. Carrot noses are the standard protocol but I'm what u would call a rebel.

@bornmiserable: Always the bridesmaid, never the winner of the office costume party because I keep going as a bridesmaid

@pplwtching: Rhythmic banging against the wall, his hands grasping the sheets. Unable to get what he needs, he gets out of bed to turn off the Roomba.

@MomOnFire: Whoever taught my five-year-old daughter how to "air quote," I need to speak with you privately.