@bourgeoisalien: I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I'm unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day.

@jwoodham: We all deserve friends like the Backstreet Boys. If you ask "am I sexuaaaal?" and don't get a "yeeeeeeah!" in response, you need a new crew.

@Cheese_Pile: [First day of class at law school] *raises hand* Hi, yes. When do we get our white, curly wigs?

@originaljrod: My stupid belt shrunk again today.

@SuperJuanderer: I'm not mature enough to work at Siemens.