@singwithTaffy

Please, by all means, call my landline. I’ll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon

You Might Also Like

@FBSisnothere

You know you have something special w someone when u start finishing their sentences. But enough about me & my local Subway sandwich artist

@sonictyrant

Waiter: would you like a little quiche before your main sir?

Me: ok, but no tongue

@Fruit_Slinger

I’m hungry but broke so I’m waiting for my bf to say he’s hungry too than he’ll order something delicious while I pretend to be indifferent.

@ClichedOut

Hot Girl: Hey, u single?

Me: I am.

HG: Cool, can I take this extra chair?

@Jandalize

She gives you butterflies.
She makes your hands sweat.
She sends chills down your spine.

She just gave you her stomach virus.

@Izianikapani

Saw a video for vegan cauliflower icecream on fb and heard the four horsemen of the apocalypse thunder overhead.

@DiamondLou69

Yoga bends.
Yoga stretches.
Yoga realizes is out of shape.
Yoga pants.

@Sal0630

I thought a drone was the sound women make when you’re trying to watch the game?

@realHamOnWry

According to the most current magazine in this doctor’s office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.

@floor_killer

People:

I’m leaving Twitter, no telling when I’m coming ba…

I’m back.