You know you have something special w someone when u start finishing their sentences. But enough about me & my local Subway sandwich artist
Please, by all means, call my landline. I’ll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon
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Waiter: would you like a little quiche before your main sir?
Me: ok, but no tongue
I’m hungry but broke so I’m waiting for my bf to say he’s hungry too than he’ll order something delicious while I pretend to be indifferent.
Hot Girl: Hey, u single?
Me: I am.
HG: Cool, can I take this extra chair?
She gives you butterflies.
She makes your hands sweat.
She sends chills down your spine.
She just gave you her stomach virus.
Saw a video for vegan cauliflower icecream on fb and heard the four horsemen of the apocalypse thunder overhead.
Yoga realizes is out of shape.
I thought a drone was the sound women make when you’re trying to watch the game?
According to the most current magazine in this doctor’s office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
I’m leaving Twitter, no telling when I’m coming ba…