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@NicestHippo: Please. Danger is my middle name.
"What's your first name?"
@ahuj9: Hello is this HP? I'd like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
@SarcasticAlly12: You know in a video game when you kept pushing b to get through the talking part but later realized you should've read it? That's adulthood.
@TheHyyyype: [taking girlfriend out]
her dad: have her back at a reasonable time
me: don't worry sir *clicks seatbelt* i have her back all the time
her dad: propose
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Happy 18th birthday, millennium! Now that you’re an adult, please stop acting like an angsty teen and lashing out at us like we’re your parents.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: (talking to anyone)
Largest and darkest hair in my nose: I WANT TO SAY HI TOO!