CNN writer: how’s this – my phone is missing.
CNN exec: meh
Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode!
*CNN exec absolutely loses it*
Please don’t directly insult people on Twitter.
Use passive aggressive, indirect insults only, like a damn adult.
You Might Also Like
Hostess: Are you staying for dessert?
Me: Oh no, I couldn’t. I’m too full. (ice cream dripping from my purse)
Some Olympians have been training since they were 5.
I’m hoping my 6yo comes home from summer camp today with 2 shoes on.
Watch it bro, your mouth’s writing checks your body can’t cash. Because you write really sloppy with the pen in your mouth. Seriously, wtf?
lol my boss just called me into his office and told me I’ve been spending too much time on twitter. Hold on he’s saying something else now
I whispered to the wind, and the wind told me to shut up.
You would think my neighbors would appreciate me petting their dogs every day.
But nooooo, they’re too worried about how I keep getting into their house.
Take a look at trending topics and you’ll realize why they have to write “do not eat” on dry silica packets.
God: i’m sorry the answers no.
God: it’s just too ridiculous.
Jellyfish: don’t I deserve a best friend?
God: yes but-
Jellyfish: pretty please? : (
God: I can’t just make a PeanutButterfish
When someone compliments you, look them in the eye and calmly state, “I refuse to accept this.”
Then walk away forever.