Netflix and explain what’s happening and who that guy is?
Please don’t tell my kids they haven’t got a pet chameleon.
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: grandma what big eyes you have
WOLF: u really think I look like ur grandma? I should eat u just for that u dumb shit
As you grow older you’ll start feeling your body getting stiffer. But don’t worry … it’s just rigor mortis practicing for the big day.
“Huge hole found growing on surface of Sun”
*drops string cheese*
“This hole is no cause for alarm”
*picks up string cheese*
“Do you have any children?”
Hannibal: “Freezer. Bottom, right.”
The traffic must be horrendous in a red light district
I’m at a hockey game and the players weren’t really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled “come on” and then they tried harder.
“You snooze, you lose.”
Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say “You silly goose.”
Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We’re 21st-century cavemen.