@Rollinintheseat

Please, person who just said “libary”, tell me more about what an avid reader you are.

You Might Also Like

@bornmiserable

THE INVENTOR OF HAND SANITIZER: who’s the paranoid one now huh, WHO’S THE PARANOID ONE NOW

@rockymomax

WIFE: stop quoting Britney Spears songs or I’ll leave you
ME: but I’m a slave 4 u
WIFE: that’s it
ME: (whispers) oops I did it again

@Ygrene

Scientist: Finally, my modeling algorithm ‘Predicting Cat Behavior’ is complete!

Cat: *walks across the keyboard, deleting the file*

@juneohara65

I’m just a girl.
Standing in front of a girl.
Wondering how she got her eyeliner on so perfectly.

@chuuew

[reading horrorscope] “More horror today”. That seems right

@thatdutchperson

[finds sock with hole in it]

*gets angry*

[puts sock back in same drawer]

*repeats forever*

@tastefactory

*bees surround guy*
AHHH GET THEM AWAY
“Don’t make any sudden movements” *suddenly the Macarena comes on*
Oh no…

@bornmiserable

[United]
This is your captain speaking. Underneath each of your seats is a broadsword. In the words of Highlander, there can be only one.

@FancyNancyAnn

I’m at my most gymnastic when I’m trying not to touch the toilet seat, sink and door handle in a public restroom.