living with roommates is fun because you get to learn what their parents think should be refrigerated
Please respect my privacy during this time. Nothing happened I just don’t want to talk to anyone.
You Might Also Like
“I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him.”-Nobody in Assassin’s Creed
*puts ranch dressing on chicken*
aww look at his little cowboy hat and boots, how cute is that
exclusively asking for swords for Christmas and if I get even one everyone who didn’t get me one better watch out
I’d say go to hell, but I don’t want to see you again.
My favorite Jobs:
My daughter can just cut and paste into google translate to do her French homework, and she learns nothing. When I was her age I had to learn nothing the hard way.
New dad: my kid started teething it’s awful.
Me: want some advice?
New dad: please!
Me: step 1 get a bottle of whiskey.
New dad: okay.
Me: step 2 drink it all.
a romantic scene where we’re running toward each other but then i run past you and pick up your dog
[trying to unhook a bra]
*kung fu noises*