@dumbbeezie: Please say a prayer for my former coworkers. They’re fine but they still work there
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ericsshadow: [my wife and I watch a drunk white girl fall out of a cab] I've never drank that much.... [wife looks at me in disgust] ugh, ok I have.
@FatherWithTwins: I like to torture my kids by buying them a new Xbox game, and then taking them to the zoo all day.
@Fred_Delicious: To the people complaining about my tweets. Sorry I'm not justifying your monthly subscription of $0