Walking dead spoiler alert. There are zombies and they like to try & eat people but the people are like “nuh uh zombie, we don’t want that”
Please sir, Under Arrest is my father’s name. You can call me Free To Leave.
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SO MUCH BLOOD!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
-It’s raining men.
roses are red
violets are blue
the jerk store called
theyre running out of you
Damn, they’re getting desperate
In Soviet Russia, tired joke format tweets YOU.
DM – omg tazz long time no speak
Me – hi (who are you?)
DM – How have you been?
Me – okay I’m gonna need you to show me all your Avis since 2013
ME: can i open a joint account
BANKER: ok with who
ME: anyone rich
Lettuce is like that friend you only hang out with in a group with other friends.
“Hang out? Who else is coming?Ham? Great. I’ll be there.”
Real men don’t need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust.
[several months ago]
BEYONCÉ: Kim Kardashian might be having a 3RD baby
JAY-Z: How many we got
JAY-Z: Not a problem