Little known fact, Alvin wore the big A on his shirt because he slept around.
please stop asking me to change my password, i’m getting tired of renaming my cat all the time
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GOD: [continuing to make humans] Make some of them think running is fun
ANGEL: This is just sick, I can’t watch this
A video montage of all the times my foot, still wet from the shower, has clung to my underwear as I pull them on, and I’ve lost my balance.
her: my parents are gone 😉
liam neeson: ok when did u see them last
Roses are red
Violets don’t matter.
When a woman says ‘I love you’
Husband wanted me to go hunting today.
He bought me the cutest brown outfit and a cute lil hat, you know with the fake antl..wait a minute
I’ve had 3 Red Bulls today and now I can taste my heartbeat.
shaggy: look out, it’s a g-g-g-ghost!
fred: there’s no such thing as ghosts
scrappy doo who is a literal talking dog: yea shaggy u stupid human idiot
Kid: I love you so much!
Me: Aww, baby, I love you too.
Kid: No mom, the dog. I love the dog so much.
Me: Yeah, I love the dog more than you too.
ME: I’ll see you in a month
WIFE: Don’t forget to write
ME: It’s highly unlikely I’d forget such a basic skill, Sharon