@Darlainky

Poetry is hard enough but damn haiku got me over here counting syllables and shit.

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@rolldiggity

Either the kids on my street were playing with sidewalk chalk, or this is a crime scene and a bunch of stars and cats just got murdered.

@AnOrangeSNES

Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other

@sluuttyyy

you either don’t eat cereal for months or you eat 3 bowls in one night there is no in between

@AmericanGent69

{after 1st date}
Her: *texts* I left my keys in your car. Locked out. It’s freezing.

Me: *waits 3 days to reply so I don’t look desperate

@daemonic3

U-HAUL, may I help you?

“You have any moving boxes?”

No all our boxes stay still

“Well you better go- wait what?”

Stop calling here, Dad

@nerdamage

Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?

@shariv67

All I ask is that when I’m murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller.

@harambevan

My girlfriend left a tampon at my apartment and idk where the left one is. Anyone know where I can get a single left tampon to keep a set here for emergencies?

@SondraDeeMe

[party]
ME: I’m uncomfortable
BF: Just mingle
ME: Do I introduce myself?
BF: We’re at your family reunion