My 16yo daughters boyfriend struggled with a capri sun for the last 10 minutes. I think it’s ok to leave her alone with him.
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Roses are red, so is my wine.
Refill my glass and I’ll be just fine.
Money doesn’t buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It’s impossible to be sad on a jet ski.
I was fired from my job as hotel front desk manager for yelling “Get a room!” to every couple that entered the hotel.
HER: His obsession with Star Wars is tearing us apart
ME: *covering my Yoda doll’s ears* Hear you he can, Karen
Yes, I’m English.
No, I can’t speak British to you.
No, I don’t know the Queen.
No, I don’t want a spot of tea.
*tries to wave goodbye to the genie without spilling my 3 giant milkshakes*
This house is Not going to clean itself. Apparently, I’m not either.
According to the scale at my gym, all I’ve lost so far is 300 dollars.