It rubs the lotion on its skin and struggles with the doorknobs again.
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Me: I’m gonna run into their kitchen and grab some extra cheese
Her: … you definitely don’t have permission
Me: It’s actually pronounced parmesan
[day 7 of quarantine]
∧_∧ oh no
( ･ω･) im late for work
My wife just texted to tell me that she killed a spider all by herself, get my union rep on the phone, stat.
Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
Technically, it’s not road rage once you pull into their living room.
Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman’s hat on it is not the button for a free fireman’s hat.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues.
… and dates.
Scotland……because even the Romans needed to meet a group of people that made them say “Nah…just build a wall and keep an eye on em”
I haven’t talked to a single member of my family since the great monopoly battle of ’06. So yea, I know a thing or 2 about holding a grudge.