INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote you can be distant and vague?
ME: *staring out the window* Idk, maybe.
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Developer: he’s a gorilla
Nintendo: ok twist
Developer: who wears a necktie
Nintendo: hm anything else? pants?
Developer: how would a gorilla put on pants?
Nintendo: right, yeah I wasn’t thinking
breaking news! ufo caught on tape!!!!!
FRIEND: hey while I’m on vacation can you come over and feed the cat?
ME: to what?
I was hooked on auctions after only going once …going twice
Someone just snap chatted me this lmao
I’d kill for a body like that BUT I WILL NOT EXERCISE FOR IT
Before you and ya girl get married, ask her if she would leave you for Michael B. Jordan. If she says “no”, drop her cause ain’t no point in building a marriage based on lies
Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be.
Considering “natural” childbirth?
You wouldn’t have a tooth pulled without painkillers, right? This is an 8lb tooth. From your crotch.