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@morethanMI5: *pokes forehead*
Is this thing on ?
@kwirkyKerri: Most women have a love hate relationship with their scale, but I'm convinced mine goes out of her way to piss me off.
@DaveAmiott: Author: So, I've got this children's book. It's about a hungry caterpillar.
Author: A VERY hungry caterpillar.
Agent: Go on...
@nettie0918: I'm already an idiot, I just need a village
@jordan_stratton: PAROLE BOARD: And what would you do if released?
PB: Excuse me?
ME: *leans into mic* RHYMES. I'M SUPER INTO POETRY NOW.
@HomeProbably: It doesn't matter how hard I try, I just don't seem to be going anywhere in life
Hamster therapist: Sounds like you're in a vicious circle