We are being punished for our hubris, for building entire factories dedicated to nothing but cheesecake.
Police officer: Have you had anything to drink?
PO:Ok, blow into here
Me:But there are no candles
PO:Ma’am please get out of the car
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*plays Eye of the Tiger*
*yeah, screw this*
Cholesteroly? RT @kfc_colonel How would you describe KFC gravy in one word?
Fun Prank: When someone wakes from a coma, have everyone dressed in medieval clothes and welcome them back from “The Sleeping Disease”
Haiku is a cross
between poetry and math.
Nobody’s coming to my pizzarrhea I don’t get it!!!
The opposite of having in-laws over is having outlaws over which is also a lot like having in-laws over.
Do you like water? Yes? Well, then you already like 60% to 70% of me.
*Ouija board begins spelling*
“Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else”
My mother’s maiden name is Password.