MUST HAVE BEFORE WATCHING THE CONJURING :
– iBible iPhone app
– Holy Water
– 5 Jesus necklaces
– Holy Spirt
Police on bikes arresting someone:
“You’re under arrest. Get in the basket”
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My husband and I called my sweet, 85-year-old grandma to tell her I got a new job.
She congratulated us, talked for a bit, and then hung up.
Later she called me to say I should open a secret bank account and never tell my husband about it.
My grandma is fierce.
Mother’s Day is like the Purge for moms. We can literally do whatever we want for 24 hours.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
My husband makes coffee for me every morning even when we’re fighting. Consider this evidence if I ever die by poison.
*Santa’s Google search*
cheap labor not kids
magic cheap labor
elf for sale bulk
labor laws by country
north pole group travel
“I just got engaged!”
— Starship Enterprise
I’m no mathementientist, but I should probably go to bed because it’s 4AM and I’m making up words again.
UNITED EMPLOYEE: Beat this guy up so we can take the thing he paid for.
LITERALLY THE POLICE: Okay
Pinterest could’ve been an amazing dating site. If the project ideas came with men to do them, there wouldn’t be a single cat lady left.