@HashtagAbdul

Police on bikes arresting someone:

“You’re under arrest. Get in the basket”

You Might Also Like

@LiLdavid29

MUST HAVE BEFORE WATCHING THE CONJURING :

– Bible
– iBible iPhone app
– Holy Water
– Priest
– Jesus
– 5 Jesus necklaces
– Holy Spirt

@Lhlodder

My husband and I called my sweet, 85-year-old grandma to tell her I got a new job.

She congratulated us, talked for a bit, and then hung up.

Later she called me to say I should open a secret bank account and never tell my husband about it.

My grandma is fierce.

@Parkerlawyer

Mother’s Day is like the Purge for moms. We can literally do whatever we want for 24 hours.

@dragnut

Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane

@mom_ontherocks

My husband makes coffee for me every morning even when we’re fighting. Consider this evidence if I ever die by poison.

@WritePlay

*Santa’s Google search*
cheap labor
cheap labor not kids
magic cheap labor
elf for sale bulk
labor laws by country
north pole group travel

@PyrBliss

I’m no mathementientist, but I should probably go to bed because it’s 4AM and I’m making up words again.

@oldmanweldon

UNITED EMPLOYEE: Beat this guy up so we can take the thing he paid for.
LITERALLY THE POLICE: Okay

@lorigonzalez28

Pinterest could’ve been an amazing dating site. If the project ideas came with men to do them, there wouldn’t be a single cat lady left.