Sing like no one is listening.
Dance like you need to be shot with a tranquilizer dart.
Pony: “I love hay so much I-”
Dad: “Why don’t you marry it, ya big nerd?”
*pony grows up*
*becomes Horse Emperor*
*legalizes hay marriage*
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Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
No that’s not popcorn popping, it’s just the way my body sounds when I stand up.
Whatever I was born in like 10 mangers
Congratulations to our winner, Todd, who correctly guessed there were “hella jellybeans” in the jar.
ME: thanks for “showing me the ropes” lol
SAILING INSTRUCTOR: you’re not even making a joke sailing is literally where that comes from
I bet Lance Armstrong is smugly saying “at least I didn’t kill anybody” to like every person he sees today.
Are you Chinese? Well, how about you?”
– Chinese Checkers
If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man’s endeavors.