I was bit by a radio active spider so now I wear a rubber suit, swing around like a monkey and use karate, you know, like a spider.
Poor superman.he can’t go commando without the whole world noticing
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I’m going to say sky diving is probably not for me since I just screamed when the toilet seat shifted.
CLEVELAND: We want a championship.
DEVIL: ok, but you’ll have to host the Republicans.
DEVIL: Trump’s the guy.
CLE: We want 2.
Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn’t you know you were taking the picture?
Nurse: Doctor this man needs an IV!
Roman Empire doctor: OF WHAT? HE NEEDS 4 OF WHAT?!
Cop: Anything you say can and will be held against you.
Me: SCARLETT JOHANSSON
Guys! Everybody needs to stop Kung Fu fighting. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
Wonder which part of Batman’s belt holds the bat-shaped throat lozenges he uses after speaking in his tough voice for long periods of time.
Friend 1: Can you babysit on sa..
Me: Sorry I’m busy
Friend 2: Can you feed my cat while I’m on vac..
Me: IT’S ME I’M OUTSIDE
It’s frankly disgusting that it’s illegal to be an accessory/accomplice. It should never be a crime to be supportive of a friend