@sageboggs

pope: love all
*everyone cheers*
*he serves a tennis ball right into the crowd*
pope: fifteen-love

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What religious people say: “I have you in my prayers.”
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My Voodoo doll would be a glazed ham wrapped in chicken feathers.

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My husband is helping me relax this morning by making the kids lunches. He’s asked me 57 times what goes in each lunchbox, and still hasn’t found the bread yet.

@tsm560

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@stoneman67

I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, “your baby jumped out!” before she gave me the finger.

@offbeatoliv

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@simoncholland

I decided to become a dad when I noticed how many kids never finish their nuggets.

@Cpin42

Got fired from PetSmart for unionizing the hamsters