deviled eggs implies the existence of holy, Godded eggs
Possible Tic-Tac-Toe results:
a.) it’s a tie
b.) you’re an idiot
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This guy must be getting annoyed by now
[furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk]
“Don’t you wish there was an easier way?”
[cut to carton of butter milk]
Imagine an octopus mother trying to get her octopus kid ready for school but she can only find seven shoes
Waldo has a tough time at the gym because no one spots him
After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back “Listen idiot, you’re drunk. Just go lay down”
My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won’t feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.
[On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym]
Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn?
Me: Me too!
Her: How? Your machine isn’t even on
My boyfriend’s boss is scared of getting the coronavirus so naturally she has decided that instead of finishing at 5:30 they will finish at 4:30, because as we all know the coronavirus only comes out after 5
For those of you keeping track, so far:
Whoever is out there saying “What’s the worst that could happen?”-