@Smug_Lemur

Possible Tic-Tac-Toe results:
a.) it’s a tie
b.) you’re an idiot

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@jonnysun

deviled eggs implies the existence of holy, Godded eggs

@TheRobCee

[furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk]
“Don’t you wish there was an easier way?”
[cut to carton of butter milk]

@CrockettForReal

Imagine an octopus mother trying to get her octopus kid ready for school but she can only find seven shoes

@Mr_Kapowski

After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back “Listen idiot, you’re drunk. Just go lay down”

@LostFelicia

My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won’t feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.

@Donnie_Fairburn

[On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym]
Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn?
Her: Yup
Me: Me too!
Her: How? Your machine isn’t even on

@iya_lucy

My boyfriend’s boss is scared of getting the coronavirus so naturally she has decided that instead of finishing at 5:30 they will finish at 4:30, because as we all know the coronavirus only comes out after 5

@Jake_Vig

For those of you keeping track, so far:

Regular wildfires
Pandemic
Locusts
Volcano eruption
Radioactive wildfires

Whoever is out there saying “What’s the worst that could happen?”-

STOP