Post natal depression is a serious condition. I’m 38 years old and my mum still bursts into tears every time she sees me.
You Might Also Like
I hate when I find a show on TV that I like and I start to get into it and then I realize that it’s my neighbor’s window and he looks angry.
True love doesn’t care about the look or size of your wallet, it’s all about what is inside ….. the wallet.
I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.
North Korea is like that annoying kid in high school who was always threatening you with nuclear weapons
Fun prank:
Tell an English major how “impactful” something is.
Nothing says “thought of you, and masturbated” like ‘liking’ a girl’s Facebook photo from 2009.
So my dad was all “stop eating my pills” and then I was like “stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp”
Wearing shirts of bands you don’t listen to is like refusing to eat the cupcake, but cool walking around with frosting all over your face.
taco bell menu is like ok we have exactly 9 ingredients. which of these 38 ways do you want them presented fo you
[5 minutes after being trapped in an elevator]
Finally, an excuse to drink my own urine
*stares into wormhole*
Whoa man, cool.
*gets slapped by worm*
Pervert!
*worm wiggles away*
I keep every love note I’ve ever written because one day I’ll have grandchildren who will find them and it’ll fill my heart with joy to hear one of them ask what it means to tongue punch a fur burger.
*tunnels out of prison cell, pops up in the warden’s office in an entirely different prison*
aw come ON
“I’m sorry. I haven’t had sex for a very long time.” — and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior.
“I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling bondage enthusiasts!”
Plot twist. He’s actually a beautiful woman pretending to be a gross boomer reply guy
Any other ladies having their period during this Friday the 13th Full Moon want to meet up and combine powers? I’ll bring a salad.
*spills wine on Ouija board*
OUIJA: *moving pointer by itself* H-E-Y S-S-E-X-Y D-Y-O-O-U-W-W-A-N-N-A M-A-K-E O-U-T
ME: *moves pointer to NO*
me: your wife’s surgery was a success
him: great. *pulls me aside* so how long until we can have sex?
me: *shrug* I’m free whenever
Do NOT do this 🙄🙄
I saw a guy and a girl doing high fives in a chemistry lab
and I thought, “wow they be bonding.”
If each day is a gift, I’d like to discuss the return policy.
when i say i like when older men tell me what to do i am talking about yoda and his teachings
Technically, iPhone chargers are apple juice.
DATE: I’m really into *bites lip & lowers voice* S&M
ME: Well, I *trails finger sexily across the table* like all of the letters
What Abba never mentioned is that Dancing Queen is really a figurehead position. All the real power is in the hands of Dancing Parliament.
I refused to buy 9yo a polished stone at the store to go with the rocks she found on the way into the store, and let’s just say our relationship is a little rocky right now.
Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records.
14: Wanna play a game?
12: Sure!
14: Do an impression of Mom
12: Oh that’s easy
14: WITHOUT SWEARING
12: Forget it.The end.