I’m with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don’t find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can’t believe this what you guys eat in Africa!
Her: I wonder what he’s thinking about, I hope it wasn’t bad
Me: if you made tea from lizards it’d be called chamomeleon
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I love seeing the look of dawning comprehension as someone realizes a new truth.
*tosses another water balloon from my roof
Hell hath no fury like a woman who stepped on the Legos you promised you’d pick up
There are 2 kinds of parents
“Stop climbing on the countertops! Get down! You’re going to fall and hurt yourself. DON’T JUMP!”
“Climb over and get Momma those cookies, while you’re up there!”
Cop: (cuffs the dog)
Detective: what the hell are you doing?
Cop: Sir, I think we’re dealing with a shapeshifter
Time out. Otters not only sleep holding hands, but have a SPECIAL POCKET to hold their favorite rock? Humans are bullshit.
“I didn’t choose the thug life…” I mutter as I trim the crust off of my PB & J sandwich
You can’t ban me from your neighborhood just because I “look scary” and “want to kill you.”
Me: Finally, time to sleep!
Me: oh God please no
Brain: I was thinking we could sing that catchy commercial jingle. 87 times.
My teen son complained that the house was too cold. I suggested that cleaning his room would warm him up. All of a sudden, he’s not cold.