@Roxtalled2

Potential Employer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

Me: “In the break room, with my arm stuck in the vending machine.”

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@murrman5

HI?
“The test results came back positive. You have only able to speak in state abbreviations disease”
ME?
“yes”
OH
“sorry it’s permanent”
OK

@JamesCoolie

The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that… it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine – William Shakespeare

@Nahdude83

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

~Menstruational Tweet

@fujichia

– much ado about nothing
– 2 much 2 nothing
– much ado 3: toyko drift
– much nothing
– much 5
– much ado 6
– nothing 7

@StarWarsProblms

Vader: I AM your father.

Luke: Why are you telling me this now?

Vader:

Luke:

Vader: I need a kidney.

@amydillon

“Sorry I was skeptical about your cough.”

-my new line of Get Well cards

@KeetPotato

[best women in the world]
17. all
16. women
15. are the
14. best
13. in the
12. world
11. its
10. impossible
9. to
8. rank them
7. in order
6. of greatness
5. because
4. they
3. are all
2. equal
1. my mum