@SGadea: He asked where I wanted to go for dinner, and that's how the fight got started.

@david8hughes: God: Noah, I need an ark. Noah: Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter? God: Uh [huge grin] cos I'm banging his wife? [raises hand] up top?

@WilliamAder: Putting my Christmas decorations on the house across the street so I can, you know, see them.

@ericsshadow: [talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks.

@highwaytohelv: why yes i studied sports medicine at the university of phoenix. *puts stethoscope on basketball, nods*