@scot7a

PR MANAGER: It’s bad, boss. The picketers are getting a lot of support.

OUTSIDE:
🎵 Oompa Loompa, Doopity Doo!
A livable wage is the least you can do!
Oompa Loompa, Doopity Dow!
When do we want it? We want it now!🎵

WILLY WONKA: Ugh, why did I get them vocal training?

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@juliussharpe

You know it’s not believable when six people rob a bank in a movie if you’ve ever tried to organize a dinner for six people.

@bromanconsul

I would like to be Ratatouilled. where’s the rat who’s good at my job

@thetits

[Later, Snake sees a Lizard]
Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously??
*God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*

@TheIronSherk

You really shouldn’t label sandwiches, I mean they have a right to exist in a world without labels and judgements just like everyone else.

@mrtruthandsoul

Top 5 oxymorons:
1. Jumbo shrimp
2. Civil war
3. Virtual reality
4. Great outdoors
5. Family vacation

@wickedsuga

My cashier at the grocery store bagged the tomatoes with the ketchup and I swear I could hear them screaming.

@skittle624

I’m starting yoga today and If my body isn’t perfect by noon, I’m quitting.

@Brampersandon_

JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity?
ME: let me double-check with my counsel
*moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods*
ME: thats correct ur honor