Practice makes perfect, unless you suck.

You Might Also Like


I dress like a murderer when I walk through the sketchy park outside my dorm so murderers will be like “Oh she’s cool she’s one of us.”


Being a parent puts you in excruciatingly difficult situations. For example, having to talk to other parents.


Twitter reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, ‘Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?’


The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.


I’d totally bang him, but how awkward would the job interview be after that?


Gordon Ramsay as an art judge:

*Throwing crayons
This “drawing” isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on

Babies crying everywhere


Remember when you thought if you accidentally swallowed apple seeds, a tree would grow in your belly?

God I miss my ‘Thirties’….


Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there’s like 40 people feeling sorry for me.


Say what you like about us Arabs, but at least we don’t go to Africa and start naming lions ‘Ahmad’ and ‘Hassan’.