@Roxtalled: Practicing karate in my driveway to strike fear into potential burglars.
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@KentWGraham: MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle “If I Only Had a Brain” from the Wizard of Oz.
@InternetHippo: Amazing coincidence how the things I agree with are objectively true and the things I disagree with aren’t
@RoosterMustache: *i sneeze* Atheist: bless u Me: ha! i caught u Atheist: no its just like, an expression Me:*grabbing him by shoulders* u believe in god
@chopper4jk: I put an energy drink in my hummingbird feeder, now all my hummingbirds are going back in time and returning with tiny top hats.