@AndrewChamings

Prank your dog by loosening his collar a bit everyday and googling “shrinking dog syndrome” while he’s on your lap

You Might Also Like

@NoogsCorner

Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth.

Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that.

Me: Go home.

@1CleverGirl1

Me: I’m super funny. I mean, how could 13K people be wrong?
Husband: There were WAY more people in the Nazi party.
Me:……………..

@Eden_Eats

Poor Luigi when his parents were all, “This is Mario, we also call him ‘Super Mario’. And this Luigi, we also call him ‘Player 2’.

@wolfpupy

what most people dont know is that you can use the trick or treat system to get large amounts of candy for free

@AJslackie

Feed me once shame on you, Feed me twice i’m moving in.

@ericsshadow

ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles.

HER: What position do u play?

ME: I’m a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.

@OddMarc

I’m definitely the most successful guy in this dollar store.

Oh, wait.

That guy has a tuxedo t-shirt.

I’m the second most successful guy.

@13spencer

After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must’ve been really awkward.

@MissLeslieG

ME: “I don’t want to talk about it it’s too long of a story I’m exhausted and I’m over it”
ALSO ME ONE HOUR LATER: “Oh that’s not even the craziest part listen to this shit”