@AngelaEhh: Pre-employment drug tests are misleading, I didn’t get to try any of them.
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@MarcusTheToken: I left some acorns in the spot where I killed a squirrel because I'm thoughtful. Also because a gang of squirrels burned a cross in my yard.
@SentenceReduced: Just to be clear, when I came over to your house I had no intention of fighting your cat.
@lovemyboots111: "One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of you...." under a moving bus
@shaztaberry: Daughter: dad Im a lesbian Dad: Okay its cool 2nd daughter: dad I'm a lesbian too Dad: Does ANYone in this family like guys? Son: I do