That feeling you get when someone creepy buys you a drink without asking.
Pregnant white women over 30 always buy the biggest SUV around, because you never know when you’ll give birth to half of a baseball team.
You Might Also Like
When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response?
I like to be prepared.
If you die on the toilet, you die in real life.
Common sense: Walk away.
Every surgery is exploratory if you’re confused enough.
Spirits are you there?
U R C U T E D O Y O U H A V E K I K
What idiot called them anti-anxiety meds instead of relaxatives?
My patience has stretch marks.
Technically, all national anthems are country music.
Is it really too much to ask for a pregnancy test commercial where the lady sees the two lines and starts laugh crying and the guy shits his pants?