[answers phone during date]
hi mom, no it’s not a bad time. breeding hips? yeah I’d say so. yes I ate all my salad
Preorder now! Though I have nothing for sale, it’s always good to preorder.
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Someone gave me a star as a gift. I’m planning on sprucing it up with some planets and asteroids and using it as a summer vacation spot.
BREAKING: Man arrested for owning a waterbed. Police reported that “it’s not really illegal, but a waterbed in 2014? That’s just creepy.”
Why are guys so desperate for oral sex? We swallow over 57 spiders a yr while sleeping.The odds that 1 could come back up should terrify you
Me: Go get everyone for dinner please
6: (SCREAMS) EVERYBODY DINNER!
Me: I meant go walk and get them
6: But I like using my mommy voice
6: The screaming
Me: I got it
My son, frantically calling and texting, as if life depended upon it.
He’s brokered world peace?
Severed a limb?
Celebrating an international business deal?
How does one make tacos.
I can’t make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you’re too fat to be loved by anyone else.
Me: yo, can we add “being a grammar nazi” to the list of sins? Their annoying.
Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.
Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise
Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles. You know what they say about old habits.