You are only making him more powerful
[presidents 2km race – finish line]
OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record?
CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11
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why isn’t there a shovelling event in the winter olympics
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Ever wonder how the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow?
me: *sneaks into the house*
wife: are you drunk? don’t lie to me I can always tell when you’re drunk because you do that stupid accent
me: aye so av had eh night oot wit me lads, wuts it tae ya? a canny believe yood say such a thing ya feckin wee badger
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
If you put healing crystals in a sock and beat someone with it do they cancel each other out?
game of thrones is such a cool show. they should make a book out of it. [props a stick under a box to capture all the nerds that respond]