@BoozeWallet: [pretending to talk on phone while mugger approaches] yeah, so then they told me that my Karate is just too deadly for the Olympics
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@YUCKYBOT: Divorces should just be reverse weddings where you get pushed out of a church while your friends steal appliances from your home.
@ThaJawn: (gym) Me: *tries to lift dumbbell *drops it Trainer: COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY! Me: I know, it's just this KFC grease making it slip