1. Ghosts are see-through
2. Windows are see-through
3. Ghosts are windows
pretty cool how no matter what’s going on in the world, a teenager in a Metallica shirt will always look the same no matter what year it is.
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COP: put ur hands in the air
C: now flip them over
C: now cross them
C: put them behind ur head
C: hey macarena
“You had a life. It was this long. Here’s a rock.” – tombstones
I’m 99% sure the plane Harrison Ford was in is from the Amelia Earhart exhibit at the Smithsonian.
Her: omg don’t stop
Me: what was that?
Her: *sighs* Simon says don’t stop
Drink responsibly? Responsibility is why I drink.
a potato meteor that cooks itself as it hurdles toward the earth and lands on your plate hot and ready
I work with my husband, so we can write off marital counseling as a business expense, right?
Inventor of beer: This will change the world.
Inventor of beer, after having kids: [invents vodka]