@shegotagronk

Pretty cool that there’s no law saying you can’t name your kid Squidward if you want.

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@bromanconsul

a car just rolled by blasting the “Duck Tales” theme song so now I’m chasing after it and trying to catch up with my new best friend

@ValeeGrrl

Oh, you’re about to earn your 3rd master’s degree? I’m still working on spelling “bananas” without singing “Hollaback Girl” in my head.

@iGreenGod

There are two kinds of people here

1. Those who tried deleting another person’s tweet or reply.

2. Liars

@SergioValenCo

I don’t tweet about my boss because I don’t wanna be a suspect when he disappears.

@zachreinert03

Saw a guy smoking while pumping gas & at first glance thought ‘wow that’s not safe’ & at second glance thought ‘wow that guy’s on fire’

@sween

In Canada, she’s Kilometery Cyrus.

@Mickey_McCauley

The main problem with gay marriage is when two men hold the knife to cut the cake they will be too strong and cut through the plate & table.

@jasonroeder

I don’t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we’re both pointing at the same tornado.