@Rainbowbunee

Pretty woman, the kind that don’t eat meat
Pretty woman, the kind that likes to hug trees
Ohoh what can I do? She’s making me eat vegan food

You Might Also Like

@petemandik

Hey,dogs barking, we get it: At the core of existence dwells an unspeakable malaise.

@abbycohenwl

Cat: Meow
Me: Meow
Mom: Why do you do that?
Me: Silly, huh?
Mom: No, reckless! Do you even know what you said? What if you told him he’s fat

@dumbbeezie

Please pray for girls everywhere who are getting a “What’s up” text right now

Be strong. Don’t answer. Eat ice cream.

@Tmoney68

Got kicked out of the karaoke bar last night for getting 3 women pregnant when I sang Careless Whisper.

@CheeseDaydreams

My kids just watched this video where two You Tubers stopped playing piano to fight each other with knives.

Me: Wow, you two really like comedy

Son: Who doesn’t like comedy?

Daughter: Who doesn’t like knives?

@djdarrellripley

Him: I just had sex with that woman!

Me: She’s 60.

Him: I know.

Me: I Hope you used protection or you might have caught osteoporosis.

@junejuly12

“Settle in, get comfy, hope your phone is fully charged and you have snacks”

Translated from “be with you shortly”

@weinerdog4life

I scream, you scream, my puppet screams, my other puppet screams, the waiter screams, this is the worst first date ever

@delusions_of

Anytime I lift my leg higher than 3 inches I yell “KARATE!”.

@thenatewolf

*A coyote bites my leg in front of a girl I like but I wanna seem cool so I just keep walking and take it with me*