@thatfinguy: Pretty woman wouldn't have been as sweet of a love story if we saw all the times she sucked c**k for money weeks prior.
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@thejakeshenry: I was pretty excited about this box of elbows before I saw that it was only macaroni.
@EndhooS: Surgeon: I'll be taking out your appendix today Me: [stomach rumbles] Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy] Appendix: I have a boyfriend
@rachiecandice: I've reached the point in my life where I'm ready for a life partner. But I'd probably be just as content with a cheeseburger.