I’m saving myself for marriage.
Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage.
PRIEST: are you a catholic?
ME: I have four, but I wouldn’t say I’m addicted
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My ex wife is going through pms, I know this because my car is on fire.
pilot: we’re about to crash
pilot: this wedding
pilot: cause we’re gonna run into this church
even if u realy hate sombody, u shoud never insult their physical apearance!!! bc as soon as u dig deeper u will find much stronger insults
DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
“Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?”
This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
Hey suns wearing sunglasses: that’s not going to help, stupid. Think about it.
dumbledore, completely wasted: I should have know you’d be here professor mcgonagall
some random cat:
[in a burning building]
Johnny Depp: Use my scarves to climb down
Me: WHERE DID YOU COME F..
JD: [transforms into a raven and flies away]
Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night