It’s kinda like i’m a shopaholic but with alcohol instead of clothes.
priest: you may now kiss the pride
me: excuse me?
priest: *motions to the other side of the altar where 7 to 8 lions with lipstick wait*
You Might Also Like
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.
I was voted, “most likely to interfere with a corpse,” in high school.
Narrator: Here we see the
Me: Here we see the
M: the nature program narrator
N: THE GAZELLE IN ITS
M: WHOSE FOREHEAD VEIN IS
Two things you need to know about me:
1. I am hung over.
2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason.
The networks need to change the phrase “Breaking News” to “Now What?”
I prefer to watch like nobody is dancing
Ways To Win My Heart:
1) Be smoking hot
2) Be thin
3) Be a pig
4) Be bacon
Me: Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your McOrder
McDonalds Boss: Again *rubs temples* you don’t have to put Mc in front of words
Me: Oh ok *turns to customer* welcome to Donalds
You don’t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself