@StarWarsProblms

*primitive gungans defeat battle droids*

*Stone Age ewoks beat elite stormtroopers*

*improbable underdog story defeats logic and reason*

You Might Also Like

@Jeffwni

Skeletor: Nice ride
He-Man: Thanks
Skeletor: Prince Adam has a pet tiger too
He-Man: Yeah? Complete different guy though

@thetomska

Do I want the coronavirus? No. Would I exploit the shit out of it with a daily vlog series titled “Going Viral” were I to catch it? The answer may (not) surprise you.

@Brianhopecomedy

My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull.

@LizHackett

Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, “I’m GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!”

@IamJackBoot

At this late date, the only way I’m gonna be famous is if I save a baby from a fire. And the baby is filming the whole thing with his phone.

@pilau

mob boss: only you would bring a knife to a gun fight

me: for the cake

mob boss: what

me: Jimmy the Snitch said I’m gonna get what’s coming to me

mob boss: that’s not what I-

me: it’s my birthday

@oakhillbargrill

Me: So it’s kittens… driving sports cars!!

Studio Head: I need security up here NOW.

Me: PLEASE DON’T REJECT “THE FAST AND THE FURRIEST”

@JasonLastname

If Edgar Allen Poe didn’t have a cat named Poepurry, then I question him as a writer.