@good_one_rick: Prince Charming fell madly in love with Cinderella after only one dance, yet I’ve performed a majestic rendition of The Humpty Dance at multiple weddings and haven’t gotten even one date out of it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Cpt_Burnout: Guy: "Do you have a lighter?" Me: "Yep" Guy: "You smoke?" Me: "No, you just never know when you're gonna need to light someone on fire."
@shutupmikeginn: Called it
@GrantTanaka: me: so what, you're gonna be angry at me for the rest of your life wife: no, the rest of yours
@decentbirthday: son: i caught a tadpole! me: actually that's a dadpole son: i'm confused *from fishing net* hi confused, i'm dad
@tracietom: There's a woman sitting by herself in the booth next to me at a restaurant and has answered 3 calls and ended all 3 by telling them her movie is about to start. I'm not sure if I should use my batman voice to tell her I LOVE YOU PLEASE BE MY LIFE COACH
COMMENTS