@good_one_rick: Prince Charming fell madly in love with Cinderella after only one dance, yet I’ve performed a majestic rendition of The Humpty Dance at multiple weddings and haven’t gotten even one date out of it.
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@Eightinchgoat: Worst things about mid 40's: 1. Catching a view of yourself naked in the mirror. 2. Crying too hard to complete this list.
@better_off_dad: Doc: So you're not sleeping? Me: nah D: how much water do you drink? M: a glass a day D: Alcohol? M: 4 glasses D: Coffee? M: Yes, please
@ryan_rachryan80: I regret to inform you that I've had better lays from a bag of chips.
@E_lok44: Coyotes are dangerous, stay away. If you keep this in mind, you will lessen your chances of being hit by an anvil.
@KindOfASmartass: Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10. Her: Do you want more kids? Me: Hahahahahahahaha Her: Is that a no? Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha
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