We can play Yahtzee again.
-You fixed the broken dice?
Yeah. And they’ll never break again.
-How do you know?
Die mends are forever.
Prince Charming: I will awaken her with love’s sweet ki–
Sleeping Beauty: five more minutes
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If you ever say ‘I seen’ in a sentence. I will never sleep with you.
Under any circumstances.
*including zombie apocalypse
I left my Kindle on the train. This would have never happened if I was carrying 8 bookshelves full of books with me like in the old days.
*reaches for the stars*
Stars: I have a boyfriend
me: what does that cloud look like to you?
her: please just open the parachute
The time to worry is when Alexa stops laughing.
If you know someone who effortlessly falls asleep every night, that is a demon. You’re friends with a demon.
OFFICER DOWN I REPEAT WE HAVE AN OFFICER DOWN. I’m fine just down for whatever. Dancing or something fun.