@Cpin42

[Prison Diary Day 5]

Did a perfect cartwheel today and nobody clapped. I hate it here

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@lazerdoov

Maybe Gotye was an actual goat that sold it’s soul for the chance to be a human with a hit song and now he is back to just being a goat

@Heldinchains

You gotta wet it first, doesn’t work dry. The wetter the better.

-whistling you perverts

@1Happytwit

They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn’t mean to eat it. I don’t want to be a bug.

@RandiLawson

Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?

NO, SENSEI!

Gluten sensitivity does not exist in this dojo,does it? Put your hand down Aiyden

@Marlebean

Me:
Neck pillow
Knee pillow
Hug pillow
Head pillow
Ankle pillow
Back pillow
Thigh pillow
Foot pillow

Him:
Pillow

@Gooooats

My Eight Year Old: Why do I have to learn cursive?
Me: Literally no reason at all.

@iamk1ts

As confused as an atheist who’s stuck behind a car that isn’t moving at a green light & has a bumper sticker that says ‘Honk if you love God

@WilliamRodgers

Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green?

Batman: You’re the decoy