[Prison Diary Day 5]

Did a perfect cartwheel today and nobody clapped. I hate it here

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Maybe Gotye was an actual goat that sold it’s soul for the chance to be a human with a hit song and now he is back to just being a goat


You gotta wet it first, doesn’t work dry. The wetter the better.

-whistling you perverts


They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn’t mean to eat it. I don’t want to be a bug.


Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?


Gluten sensitivity does not exist in this dojo,does it? Put your hand down Aiyden


Neck pillow
Knee pillow
Hug pillow
Head pillow
Ankle pillow
Back pillow
Thigh pillow
Foot pillow



My Eight Year Old: Why do I have to learn cursive?
Me: Literally no reason at all.


As confused as an atheist who’s stuck behind a car that isn’t moving at a green light & has a bumper sticker that says ‘Honk if you love God


Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green?

Batman: You’re the decoy