@Shot_Of_Cabo

Pro: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.

Con: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.

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@Darlainky

The grammar police are there to ensure proper sentencing.

@cravin4

I started this new workout that helps protect my abs and obliques by rubbing grilled cheese sandwiches on them from the inside then my body puts a protective layer around them on the outside.

@mkat816

Did you try turning your relationship off and then back on again?

@KindOfASmartass

If I don’t make some serious changes to my life, they’ll never let me into the gates of heaven.

So who can teach me how to pick a lock?

@Sassafrantz

Doctor: where does it hurt?
Me: [shows him an empty bag of Cheetos]

@RickAaron

“Sandwich artist” is a bit pretentious sir when you’re actually a subcontractor.

@SeanEmeny

They say “confidence” is the most attractive quality in a partner. But I’d have to say “not banging my friends” would be a very close 2nd

@fookmusic

Gas is like $40/full tank

Carrots are like $1/pound

Ya boi is getting a horse.