@elwaytotheend: Pro tip: never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
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@suz1973luq: Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
@iwearaonesie: wife: how is it outside? me: windy. almost blew one kids hat off and some guy's trying to figure out how to get his smart car out of a tree
@carlyken: So far my toddler's most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell.