My mom just replied to my text with “K.” Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?
Prof asked if anyone liked comic books. I raised my hand. She didnt add anything or say why it mattered. Just wanted to isolate me socially.
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*Tiptoes up behind a burglar robbing our house and sneaks 10 of my kids’ stuffed animals into his bag*
Someone hash-tagged “share the love,” and I read it as “shave the love.” I thought, yeah, I can get on board with that.
*voluntarily spends hours on the internet daily* neato
*friend sends 5-min video to watch* do i look like im made of free time or something
When you said ‘till death do us part’ I kinda figured you’d go first
According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
If I go to bed now, I’ll get a full 8 hours of sleep
Siri what is a grape nut
The most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard:
“MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!”
My reaction to most music that has been released in the last ten years is “what did they just say?”
If you invite me, you invite my xylophone too.