She’s got a great personality!
It’s the other 6 personalities that I’m worried about….
Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE
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Ask someone if they’ll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend.
“If you have any questions, just ask. My door is always open.” said the boss at my new job.
“Why do you need a door then?” I asked him.
Interviewer: it says here your interests include connecting people
Me: correcting people, actually
I: no it’s-
Me: i know what it says
Retweet this and something good will happen at some point in the near future that you can choose to attribute to having retweeted this.
Get off my horse you stupid moon
The cashiers at the liquor store really need to start asking me for ID again. I’m not a fan them studying my fine lines above my mask like they’re the Da Vinci code before ultimately deciding I’m an old.
I would do anything for love. But I won’t do that. Or that. That’s not looking good either.
This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up.
ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts*
WIFE: see what I mean?
THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: “she’s nuts. This guy rules*